PLAY THIS before you start reading:
Lana Del Rey - Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me
Everything felt like forever at one point then, before I realize it, everything ended right before my eyes.
Cried till there were no tears left to cry.
Everything reminded me of the memories we once had.
We did not have many memories, to begin with, but it was struck deep to my heart because we were together 24/7.
I thought everything was real but then again the whole time everything was just an illusion.
Nothing was real.
I made myself believe I was in fairytales because I wanted one.
Built my walls up and stupidly break them down over tiny little happiness I thought that was real.
Then I am left with nothing but just the broken pieces to put them back together.
Completely shattered..
I just want to sleep and continue sleeping and never wake up.
Reality is just too painful and scary.
No one is real.
Nothing is real.
I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't stop tearing up, couldn't stop thinking.
Anxiety came back.
I had to try learning meditation again to calm the storm.
Had a teddy for every situation.
I felt safe for a while. happy for awhile.
It tasted like a drug. I wanted more of it.
When will I learn to stop trusting people?
When will I learn no one is truly here.
Every time I make the same mistake, the only thing that was left for me was just the word "Sorry".
If only the word "Sorry" actually has some magic powers to heal what's broken or undo anything.
The fact that I wasn't crying because I lost a great guy.
I was crying because I was willing to go all-in for him but he backed out.
I was not worth it.. again.
I just have to "Switch it off"
Be right back on track before all these nightmares begin.
Do what scares me.... to get me out of this pothole.
I am drowning deeper and deeper.
I am falling ill because I am only crying and not resting nor eating all day.
Made myself suffer while the other party is just moving on with life happily like nothing happened.
Why tf do I hold on to things all the time even when they are not worth it.
I chose not to have fun in the hope to get something real.
But the truth is, everything was just a game to them.
No matter what you are/ what you do. They have their own agenda.
You told me you were different. You are not like the rest. But the outcome was the same. You took a piece of my heart and threw it away.
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