How stupid I was.
2019 Finally and it's coming to an end.
I survived yet again.
I went through yet another turbulence and lived through.
Done with my dull and dead life.
Cut some ties and started a new lifestyle
Proud of the progress I made throughout everything.
It was hard and tormenting but looking back now,
I see that I learned from these experiences and changed me to a different person.
This time I didn't even give myself time to heal.
I went straight on and put in 110% effort.
Just to numb everything and it definitely worked.
Numbed.
I have never been this independent.
But this time to cope with the pain I'm doing everything that I'm afraid of
I like the new me and all these new experiences.
Too numb to feel anything at the moment.
I wrote in my previous post bout "The One" bullshit, that was one hell of a crap.
I don't believe in that anymore.
Neither am I hoping anymore for my One to exist.
I am going with the flow with everything and it's more fun this way.
I do not know what I want at the moment, but I'm definitely listening to what my heart wants.
What makes it happy, I'm doing it.
One thing I've learned from my experiences.
But we can divert our attention from the pain. The pain will still be there somewhere inside us.
I just keep wanting to step up my game and do crazier stuff each time.
Everything is a little too late now.
Very tiring process, but it's my only way.
Lacking of rests, making me really sick, these days
I need more now. I need more to drown these voices inside me
Giving 0 fucks is so much fun.
Party, party and more party.
Keeps me alive.
I had more in my mind before I started typing this out
And the way to spill all these details out was very different from what I had in mind.
I'm getting bad at expressing now..
I'm getting all these mixed emotions again. I am gonna stop this update here.
Will update again when everything is more properly constructed.
