Another phase

Just as I thought I was improving in life.

Then to realize i just dropped into another hell hole, myself.

Instead of going forward, I'm moving backwards.

I was in the process of getting stronger then I met someone,

I opened up myself and gotten myself vulnerable.

So, here I am back in the same spot where I fell again.

Fairy tales are not for everyone.

Who doesn't wanna find "the one"?

Who doesn't wanna spend the rest of their lives with someone special?

But it's not that easy.

Throughout my relationships, I have never cheated on any of them.

I've always love them for how they are, who they are & stay faithful.

Yet, my all relationship always ended up in the worst way possible.

So, coming back to my point, I don't think relationship is my thing.

I am not anybody's cup of tea and my cup of tea is rare to find.

I am towards the romantic side and I'm sentimental.

Little things do matter.

I know the guy that I really want is not easy to find and probably doesn't exist too.

I know some of you would disagree with finding "the perfect one" cus they don't exist.

I'm saying, I have a rough idea on what I'm looking for in mind.

Of course if the feelings click and feels perfect, I'm on for it.

He doesn't have to be perfect to be perfect for me.

He doesn't has to be rich or good lookin

But there are certain treats I wish my man posseses.

I have been in all the wrong places because I'm afraid of the emptiness after that.

That void after feeling.

I'm not ready to let go of that bond.

The bond was built with lots of memories and now I gotta let it go and forget that they happened.

But then again, why put myself in a position to feel hurt and unloved

When I can try to pick up the pieces and feel whole again (hopefully)

Who knows, someone might actually see me for me finally

So many heartbreaks, so many tears.

I did everything out of love but these are what I'm getting back in return.

I may be ready to sacrifice for the one I love, but if he doesn't...

I'm just being pure stupid.

Two person with two different valuation.

I value him like some sacred tree but he values me like some stepped on grass which is replaceable.

Moving forward is definitely better than staying here and getting stabbed over and over again

Or be with someone that doesn't see the best in me but the worst.

I definitely put in my 100% this time and gambled my feelings.

I lost everything.. In fact, this time it's more than the last time.

Everything that i have conquered thus far, I did it all alone.

My journey has been scary and I don't think it's gonna be any less scary anytime soon.

I'm scared of a lot of things but at the end of the day I survived...

Whatever ways I've used but, I manage to survive up till now.

So.. why not?

Someone told me, it's just a phase.

Someone better is coming along the way.

I'll meet someone that thinks I deserve the best.

I doubt so but, let's hope for the best.

Let's hope I survive this phase.

Maybe instead of chasing love I should go for adrenaline rush.

Do something crazy to make me feel alive.

To keep me alive.