Mixed feelings

I apologize if all of my posts are depressing, because I usually blog when I'm upset or when something is bothering me.

I have a habit of keeping most things to myself whenever I'm upset. I really don't like telling anyone when I am upset and it is also very frustrating when I can only keep it to myself. Somehow it's taking a toll on me.

I miss Sya, my buddy. Everytime I tell him that I'm upset, he will  have his ways of making me feel better after that. He really is my best bitching partner. He knows when I'm in my bitchmode he would also turn his bitchmode on. We both have very different background but when we connect, it felt as though we came from the same womb. He is 24/7 there for me. I can even get him in the middle of the night like, 4am. He would wake up and listen to every bits I have to say even though he has to wake up for work in the morning. He always make time for me.. Always... What have I done to deserve a friend like him :)

"because the people who care enough will show it to you."

People who care enough will make time for you and not always make you feel compromised. People who care enough will not just assure you with words, but also prove to you through their actions. People who care enough don't only appear out of the blue when they require something, but stick through tough times with you. People who care enough for you would not just speak, but listen. People who care enough would not send you mixed signals to keep you guessing.

If someone cares enough, you'll be clear of what you mean to them and what they mean to you. You won't ever have to question.

I've been thinking a lot lately. I feel like taking a break from everything. I don't like whatever I'm feeling now. I want everything to be on track, to be in line with my goals.  When one thing messed up, everything else in my plan is messed up as well. I took a break from my social life, I said I needed a break but it seems to be like I'm getting off from my social life. 

I thought I was heading the right direction but the road seems to be blurry for me now. I don't like to waste time. I like to go straight to the point all the time. Rational side of me is asking me to do the right thing. Emotional side of me is asking me to give some time.

 I'm emotionally affected by a lot of things lately. That one person whom I wished to have my back, to give me support, is further away from me. I have been pushing everything aside because I still want to be in denial for awhile. In fact, I'm behind time now. I used to have A to always give me assurance and support. I'm lacking of faith and courage.My migraine is back so, I'm back on my medication. One after another. I only have till end of this month to buck up.

Till then, goodnight 💜